What do we really need to know about raising perfectionist kids? Is it always a positive thing? Just as much as we love our kids not to settle with “okay” and always aim for excellence, we might want to take a look at the other side of kids being perfectionists. (Disclaimer: This is not to restrain you from having a kid who’s good on details)
Psychologist Raphael O. Inocencio, a founding parter of Better Steps Psychology, says no child is born a perfectionist and it doesn’t happen overnight.
Parents also need to be aware that some of the things that contribute to perfectionism are harsh and critical parenting. “When children are exposed to extreme standards in exchange for their parents’ approval, the children might be receiving the message that they are only good enough when they produce perfect work. When parents become overcritical of their children’s performance and consistently demand a high level of performance, they may be teaching their children that [self-worth is tied to one's ability to be perfect],” says Raphael.
Kids should be able to tell the difference between striving for excellence and being perfectionists. One being a result of motivation, and the other as a fear to fail. This, of course, can be done with the help of the parents. We should always be reminded that what sticks to our kids’ minds is “I want to do this right” instead of “I don’t want to do this wrong” - the difference, again, is motivation and fear.
The common question “what do you want to become when you grow up?” is a good example as an invitation to talk about expectations with children, and instead of restricting them you are actually allowing them to think on their own. Then see what they really want, support them, and encourage them.
Perfection seems to be a “perfect” word, but not when it restrains your child.
Based on the post “Got Perfectionist Kids?” by Regina Posadas of ph.asianparenting.com
Photo from Huffington Post
